The Death of Patience An AI REDUX
Is it better?
I was not that fond of the last thing I posted here. The Death of Patience was disorganized and verbose. It was a bit of a stream of conciseness if I'm kind. Less kind… It was blather. It was perfect, perhaps, one way. It illustrated the indispensable reality of a good editor .
But the topic has been on my mind for a long time. It matters, and I eventually sent it. I embraced the whole point of writing here, at least for me. Create it, fiddle a bit, and send it; poor grammar be damned.
I note in my description of this newsletter that it is “About anything and exercise in imperfction.”
But after writing The Death of Patience, I decided to drop it into ChatGPT and see what it said and did. So that follows.
I share this for no other reason than to put a marker down. I’m not entirely sure what I think of the critique or the improved AI version. One thing I’m pretty sure of is that the new version lacks humanity.
Here’s what I did.
Note - I bolded the steps going forward so you can scan the various parts.
I began by asking ChatGPT to “critique this essay” and pasting the original piece into the AI.
This was the result.
CHAT-GPT CRITIQUE OUTPUT:
This essay, "The Death of Patience," explores an important topic with depth and a broad historical context. However, there are several areas where it could benefit from improvement, including structure, clarity, and coherence. Here are some suggestions for enhancing the essay:
1. Structure and Flow:
Introduction: The essay starts by hinting at a larger theme but does so without providing a clear thesis statement. Consider opening with a direct statement about how the modern world is losing its capacity for patience and why that matters. This would set a more definitive tone and make it easier for readers to understand the core argument.
Transitions: The essay often shifts between different historical periods and examples without smooth transitions. This can make it difficult for the reader to follow the overall narrative. Consider using transition sentences to connect sections and make the argument more cohesive.
Conclusion: The essay's conclusion is somewhat diffuse. It reiterates points made earlier but does not provide a strong, memorable ending. Summarize the main argument succinctly, and offer a call to action or reflection on why reclaiming patience is crucial.
2. Coherence and Focus:
Consistent Theme: There is a lot of valuable content here, but some of it diverges from the main theme. For instance, the discussion of the Industrial Age, World War Two photos, and the Cosby Show are interesting but could be more tightly linked to the essay's central argument. Ensure that every section clearly connects back to the idea of patience.
Avoiding Digressions: The essay contains interesting tangents, such as the minute-by-minute TV ratings anecdote and discussions of historical engineering projects, but they can feel disconnected from the central thesis. To make these examples work better, explicitly tie them to how these scenarios illustrate the decline or evolution of patience in society.
3. Clarity and Precision:
Simplify Language: At times, the language is more complex than it needs to be, which can obscure the main points. Simplify the phrasing to improve readability and impact. For example, phrases like "the ability to be somewhere else sooner than before" could be streamlined to "the ability to reach places faster."
Clarify Arguments: The point about television in the 1980s shaping our expectations for quick resolutions is important but could be made more compelling with a clearer link to modern behavior. Be more explicit about how this trend laid the foundation for the impatience we see today.
4. Use of Evidence:
Strengthen Examples: While the essay uses numerous historical references, they could be more effectively employed. For instance, the quote from Violet Fane is an interesting point, but it would benefit from deeper analysis connecting it to modern issues of immediacy and gratification.
Modern Data: The essay includes some statistics, such as those from Google, which help illustrate the point. Adding more contemporary examples, such as insights from psychology or studies on instant gratification, could bolster the argument further and make it more relatable to a current audience.
5. Tone and Engagement:
Engaging the Reader: The rhetorical questions at the beginning are effective for engaging the reader, but they need to be backed up with more compelling answers. For example, instead of just leaving the reader to wonder about the origin of the quote, you could offer a brief explanation of its significance before revealing the answer.
Balance Between Historical and Modern Contexts: The essay often leans heavily on historical examples, which can make it feel like it’s dwelling in the past rather than addressing current realities. Striking a better balance between historical and contemporary evidence would help maintain the reader’s interest and make the essay more impactful.
6. Theme of Balance:
Patience vs. Impatience: The idea that patience can be both a virtue and a vice is intriguing. Developing this point further could add nuance to the essay. For example, you could include examples where impatience led to positive outcomes, thus complicating the binary view of patience as inherently good.
7. Proofreading and Editing:
Repetition: There are moments of repetition, such as reiterating that patience requires time and perseverance. Edit these sections to avoid redundancy and keep the essay concise.
Grammar and Syntax: Some sentences are awkward or overly complex. For example, "Science and the advancements it made possible created time—the ability to be somewhere else sooner than before" could be simplified for clarity.
Suggested Improvements in Specific Sections:
Introduction: Instead of delaying the reveal of the quote's author, consider stating the quote and its significance upfront, then delving into why the theme of patience is relevant to today’s world.
TV and Media Influence: The discussion on "The Cosby Show" and sitcoms is insightful but could be expanded to include other forms of media, such as reality TV or social media, to show the broader cultural trend.
Historical Examples: When discussing historical projects like the Transcontinental Railroad, explicitly draw parallels to modern projects that failed or succeeded due to patience or impatience, such as recent technological developments.
Summary:
The essay effectively addresses a timely issue—the decline of patience in modern society—using a wide array of historical and cultural references. To make the essay more impactful, focus on improving structure and coherence, ensuring all examples clearly tie back to the central thesis. Strengthen the introduction and conclusion, provide better transitions, and clarify the connection between historical insights and their relevance to the present day. Simplify language where possible to enhance readability and make the argument more accessible to a broad audience.
THE NEXT STEP - THE REWRITE
I then asked ChatGPT to “Rewrite the essay and employ your advice on how to improve it.” This is the result. I changed nothing.
CHAT-GPT REWRITE OUTPUT:
The Death of Patience
The Things to Come - Can We Wait?
“All good things come to those who wait.” It’s a well-worn line, but like many enduring sayings, it comes from a poem—one that tells us patience is not just a virtue but a necessity for progress. Yet, in our fast-paced world, the very notion of waiting seems to be fading, and along with it, a part of our collective wisdom.
Patience, simply put, is the ability to remain calm and composed in the face of difficulty or delay. It demands emotional intelligence, self-control, and perseverance. Patience is the wisdom that tells us that true progress often takes time. However, our modern lives have shifted our tolerance for waiting, and this erosion of patience poses a serious risk. The urgency we live by has led to a significant loss of an essential human quality—one that has been crucial throughout history for achieving greatness.
A Changing World and the Decline of Patience
To understand where we lost patience, we can start by examining the Industrial Age, an era I like to think of as the Age of Mass Collaboration. This was a time when masses of people worked together on advances in industries like manufacturing and construction, bringing great and dynamic designs to life. However, this progress came at a cost. Charles Dickens, a chronicler of the era, painted a vivid picture in Bleak House, describing London’s inhabitants “jostling one another's umbrellas in a general infection of ill-temper.” Fredrick Engels, too, observed the brutalization of the working class due to oppressive conditions. These glimpses reveal that even then, patience was being sacrificed to the demands of modern life.
As technology advanced, so did the pace of our lives. Sail gave way to steam, horses were replaced by cars and trains, and the rhythms of the sun and moon were disrupted by electricity. These advancements, while undeniably beneficial, began to change our relationship with time. We crossed oceans in hours instead of days, and suddenly, the need for patience seemed less relevant. As H.G. Wells put it in The Shape of Things to Come, “the greatest barrier left between the continents” was swept away, and with it, a sense of waiting that had once been an inherent part of the human experience.
The Modern Age of Instant Gratification
In the 1980s, television sitcoms like The Cosby Show began to shape societal expectations in a new way. Complex issues such as underage drinking or learning disabilities were often resolved in a tidy 30-minute episode. This format wasn’t sinister, but it presented an unrealistic portrayal of life—one where difficult problems could be solved quickly and with humor. Americans were watching an average of seven hours of TV daily, and the way these shows simplified real-life challenges subtly reshaped our expectations of what life should be like. We started wanting quick resolutions, and when we couldn’t achieve them, we felt as though we were failing.
The rise of the internet in the 1990s and 2000s only amplified these expectations. Services like AOL Instant Messenger and Napster brought immediacy into our lives, and the idea of waiting became less acceptable. My own television career, which began in 1992, reinforced this idea. In television, everything is about attention—how long you can hold it, and how you can lure viewers back after commercial breaks. I remember producing a two-part segment on a military competition called "The Best Ranger." Between the parts was a commercial break, and I vividly recall the ratings plummeting during the ads, only to rise again when the segment resumed. We had to craft a story so compelling that people would forget they were even waiting.
Today, services like Netflix and YouTube remove the need to be patient entirely. There is no need to drive to a store, search for a movie, or even wait for it to be available. Instead, everything is accessible instantly. Social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok offer real-time updates and instant gratification, further eroding our ability to wait. Research backs this up—according to a Google study, 53% of mobile users will abandon a site if it takes longer than three seconds to load. We want everything now, and if we can't have it instantly, we simply move on.
The Consequences of Impatience
This impatience comes at a cost. Life is not just about the moments of satisfaction; it is also about the intervals in between—the waiting, the reflection, the process. These are the moments when we grow, when we learn, and when we build the resilience needed to overcome life’s challenges. As we become less willing to wait, our ability to tackle complex problems diminishes. Recent studies have shown that people are now less inclined to wait for greater rewards, preferring instead smaller, immediate rewards. This phenomenon, known as temporal discounting, has profound implications for how we make decisions, engage in relationships, and solve problems.
Consider some of the great achievements of the past: the Transcontinental Railroad took about six years to build, and even longer to plan. The Panama Canal, another marvel of engineering, took three decades of work by both the French and the Americans. These projects required patience—years of hard, sustained effort. Today, it’s hard to imagine our society committing to projects that take so long. Would we have the patience to wait? Could we wait?
Balancing Patience and Action
Of course, patience is not without its limits. As Violet Fane wrote in her poem "Retribution": "'Ah, all things come to those who wait,' / (I say these words to make me glad), / But something answers soft and sad, / 'They come, but often come too late.'" This warning points to a delicate balance: patience is a virtue, but excessive patience can lead to missed opportunities. To wait endlessly, hoping things will fall into place, can mean being left behind.
Our challenge, then, is to find the balance between patience and action in a world that increasingly demands immediacy. If we continue on our current path, unable to bear even a moment’s pause, we risk becoming shallow and reactive, valuing only what is immediate and fleeting. The strength to endure, to recover, and to hold hope through uncertainty will be lost.
As we look to the future, we must consider the long-term effects of growing up in a culture of instant gratification. The human brain doesn’t fully develop until around age 25, and we have to wonder: what will become of a generation that reaches adulthood having never had to wait for anything? How will they govern, solve problems, or work through challenges that require sustained effort? An impatient generation may well deserve leaders who prioritize quick fixes over long-term solutions—who distract with shiny promises while sweeping real issues under the rug.
Patience has always been finite, but as we lose it, we lose something profound—a part of what makes us capable of creating, of enduring, of truly living. All good things may come to those who wait, but only if we are wise enough to find that balance and strong enough to bear the wait.
That’s it. I’m not sure what I think. The AI output certainly is shorter.
We are worried that students are writing papers using LLMs. What about professors? Don’t tell me this isn’t useful to them!